Husband-Wife relationship is something more than a bed of roses
It is said that marriages are made in heaven. That is true but the husband-wife relationship is not a bed of roses. To make the relation a paradise both the spouses need to do a lot of endeavours. A stable relationship is only possible if both wills to make it stable. Both have to try and accept each other’s manoeuvres for a better relationship from the very first day of marriages. Like any other relationship husband-wife relationship also grows with time and this growth should be towards a healthier one. Negative egos have no place in any relationship. This is the first trait that both have to shed to build the relationship into a stable one.
Sharing responsibilities, ideas and bed are some of the basic factors that play a major role in building a husband-wife relationship. Even if any of these factors are not compatible, the adjustment becomes a major problem between the two. At times there arises an issue related to these factors that may lead to a break up in marriage. Converting incompatibility to compatibility is the main important factor that should be kept alive throughout the relationship to make it stable and enjoyable.
Sharing of responsibilities:
The first phase of married life starts with this. Both partners have to share responsibilities and therefore start expressing each other’s have to and would not’s. It is here that clashes start. Some spouses want a 50-50 sharing of responsibilities. Now, this is ridiculous as they can seldom be so. The effort a woman can put into the household chores is not invariably possible for the man. The wife should understand and accept gladly the helping hand she gets from her husband. Misunderstandings arise when both spouses are working. In such cases, the couple can go for a helping hand like a domestic help or any relative who is ready to help them. Where they cannot afford a maid and both have no one from their side to come and help, household chores can be done briefly. Extra food can be cooked on holidays to substantiate for the weekdays. Cleaning and washing can be kept for the weekends. This may bring in a situation at home where both start complaining of a 24×7 work schedule. To do away with the tedious routine the couple can plan some outings or a holiday trip. Eating out once in a while can be enjoyable. Travelling also refreshes the mind and body and the couple can come back to work with full energy.
Financial contribution becomes a major issue when both partners are earning a good package. Contribution from both sides may be equal but at times there may be an imbalance. Most couples whether working with government or in the corporate sector do face a financial problem where increment, revision of pay or incentives are concerned. At times the increase in pay of the wife may not be as that of the husband or vice versa. In such cases expecting equal contribution is unreasonable both in case of the husband or wife. In such a situation jeering, taunting at each other does not solve the problem. Rather both should talk over and decide on how they should manage the economic situation of the house. Expenditures that are not that necessary can be done away with. Some amount of sacrifice is necessary is such a situation. The couple may have to cancel a holiday trip or some luxury shopping or going out partying. Cancellation may seem to make life drab, but such sacrifices go a long way in stabilizing their relationship.
Where the wife earns less than the husband of the woman is a housewife, it is the husband who takes the major financial burden. In such cases, it becomes important for the wife to be very prudent where financial expenses are concerned. Contribution can never be equal here. It may be a 40 to 60 ratio, and for the unemployed wife, her financial contribution to the family is nil. The husband need not throw up airs here or keep reminding his wife that she is not earning. This may lead to fights in the family and strain the relationship of the couple. Financial balance is very crucial for a stable relationship.
A difference of opinion:
All of us grow up and culture our ideas towards life. Hence, when two persons get married and come to live together, they share their ideas and thus this may give rise to a difference of opinion. A difference of opinion may lead to hot arguments and confrontation of such sort that both may not relish. As human beings, we all have to face such a situation but that cannot be the reason for a divorce. Rather the couple instead of taking any harsh decision in such a situation should sit and think in retrospection and find some solution for the issue. Repenting about each other’s harsh words does bring incompatibility in a relationship.
Some couples have the habit of going violent whenever there is a difference of opinion. Such a situation should be avoided. Both can think over what is it that makes them violent and avoid picking up such topics. Same should be the case with abusive language. The issues that force one to use abusive language should be done away with. In such cases, both should go for counselling to find out a solution to this bad habit. For words that fly off from our mouth cannot be brought back. Therefore, it is better to control one’s words for which we need not have to repent later on. If both spouses be a little careful while speaking to each other it can work wonders. This cannot be achieved in one day. Through the years one has to nurture this quality such that their relationship becomes stronger as time passes by.
Expecting a goodie relationship is something impractical. The difference of opinion and argument is apt to take place between a husband and a wife but that should be the stepping stone just like failure to build up a stronger relationship.
Incompatibility in bed:
Clashes and misunderstanding sometimes originate from the bed. If both the partners are not satisfied with each other’s touch then things are serious and both have to see a marriage counsellor. It may also be necessary for such a couple to consult a sexologist whose advice would make their marital life happier.
Unhappiness, when related to a physical relationship, affects the rest of the situation between the husband and wife. Both may snap at each other for no reason or show a cold shoulder to one another when both yearn for a caring hand. Long months of such a situation may lead to extramarital affairs. In extreme cases sometimes this situation leads to violence which may lead to separation.
Caring for each other’s sexual needs works wonders where other issues in a husband-wife relationship are concerned. Healthy physical relationship refreshes the mind and this helps both the partners to take a balanced decision in other aspects of their marital life.
As the relationship grows mature both realize that clashes and misunderstandings are part and parcel of married life. With each kind of difference of opinion or argument, the couple grows to accept each other words. Both of them learn to accept one another as they are. This also leads to changes in both the partners as the years go by. Facing odds together brings in togetherness and both learn to see the brighter side of life.